I had found a tribe when I came into recovery 28 years previously Narcotics Anonymous,
I also found a tribe at Oxford, people past and present, people who had undergone or were doing the’ work ‘as I call it. Emptying themselves and exploring their own souls. People who'd done it all before Christ, St. Francis, Ignatius of Loyola, Pascal, Kierkegaard, Giordano Bruno. To name just a few. Amazing, amazing people like Nietzsche, wow greatly misunderstood.
These next four years was going to be a fusing of my soul. salvation, redemption, atonement, forgiveness, profound gifts would be given to me. Although I been in 12 step fellowships for the previous 28 years, I can categorically confirm that it is possible to be a ‘little bit ‘pregnant.
All the attributes of a using addict were still very prevalent in some parts of my life. I had been healed from the obsession and compulsion to use chemicals. Drugs and Alcohol not featuring in my life at all but the profound ‘call’ and ‘vocation’ that I was to experience deep within the recesses of my soul in the coming four years was a ‘call’ that united all my searching and seeking to create a perfect union with my heart to take away the shadows. Shadows with names like - shame, guilt, desire, greed.
A life that had been dominated by ‘ego’ ‘self’ and unquenchable self-will, would a final healing for my wounds be possible?
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